A guy and a girl meet at a bar……

>

They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.

>
> A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.



He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands.
The girl has been watching him and says:


> "You must be a dentist."
> The guy, surprised, says:
> "Yes .... How did you figure that out?"

"Easy.." she replies, "you keep washing your hands."

One thing leads to another and they make love.

> After it's over the girl says: "You must be a good dentist."


> The guy, now with an inflated ego, says:
> "Sure - I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out?"

The girl replies:....








> "I Didn't feel a thing."

Good one.

1. Paddy says to Mick
"I found this pen, is it yours?"
Mick replies
" Don 't know, give it here"
He then tries it and says
"Yes it is"
Paddy asks
"How do you know?"
Mick replies,
"That's my handwriting"


You may have seen the following at DPH.

2  FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites!
___________________________________________
FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
________________________________________________
FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
__________________________________________________ _____
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.
__________________________________________________ ______
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.
__________________________________________________ ___________
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.
__________________________________________________ _________
And the WINNER is...

FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.
No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
__________________________________________________ ______________________________
(Statement of the Century)
__________________________________________________ _________

Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly.

"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking,
How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"
__________________________________________________ __________

Children Are Quick

TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
____________________________________
TEACHER: Why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday, you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I '
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louis, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand......
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: George your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
JOHN : No, sir. It's the same dog.

(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

Why are you late?  That is a classic!!!!!