1. After 100 years lying on the sea bed, Irish divers were amazed to find that the Titanic's swimming pool was still full...............

2.Bloke at a horse race whispers to Paddy next to him, "do you want the
winner of the next race?"
Paddy replies "no tanks, I've only got a small garden."

3.Paddy and Mick found 3 hand grenades and decided to take them to the
police station.
Mick "What if one explodes before we get there?"
Paddy: "We'll lie and say we only found two!"

4.A coach load of paddys on a mystery tour decided to run a sweepstake
to guess where they were going..... the driver won £52!

5.Paddy's racing snail is not winning races anymore. So he decided to
take it's shell off to reduce it's weight and make him more aerodynamic.
It didn't work, if anything it made him more sluggish.

6.Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires stickin out of it. He phones the
police and says "Bejesas I've just found a sandwich dat looks like a
bomb."
The operator asks, "is it tickin?, Paddy says "No I tink it's beef"


7.Mick walks into Paddy's barn and catches him dancing naked in front of
a tractor. Mick says, "Oh, no, Paddy, what ya doing?"
Paddy says, "Well me and Mary haven't been getting on in the bedroom
lately & the therapist recommended I do something sexy to a tractor."

8.The Irish have solved their own fuel problems. They imported 50
million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for
their own oil.

9.Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on a Friday this year"
Mick says "Let's hope it's not the 13th."

10.Paddy's in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him. "Did you find the
shampoo?"
Paddy says, "Yes but it's for dry hair and I've just wet mine."

You're an evil man Andrew

Love it !!